you see, this is why im ocd about my teeth. had another nightmare about my teeth falling out. except this time it was because i had aids..and i got it with a few friends of mine no less...im glad i left out the details on that one.

my managers are pretty cool. they approved my vacation in december and january..a time of the month that NO ONE is supposed to take off. so im going to get them some goodies from the philippines.

seriously though, im really too tired to say anymore so im out. later.

Currently Listening Two Lights see related

phuong. phuong. phuong. what am i going to do with you. so at best buy tonight me and phuong are standing there talking about my website. and our manager Herb walks by. well, phuong jokingly blurts out "hey did you know stephen's starting a business to compete with best buy? yeah he has a website and he only needs to finish a few more pages. he's selling laptops and stuff.." Herb laughs and im thinking "HOLY SHIT" but my mouth says "man whatever phuong.." and i laugh jokingly with him. and phuong was like "hey whats the website again??" and i was like www.PHUONG-LIES.com luckily Herb didnt believe us. he said "well good luck with that" and walked off. I turned to phuong and i was like "you idiot, what're you thinking?!?!? thats a conflict of interest. i cant work here and sell that stuff on the side." and he was like "you can't?? thats stupid. that's taking away your freedom!" good lord.

so teresa's gone. she left this morning. this past week has been sooooo busy. hung out with brit the past 2-3 nights. been having a blast with her and we gots ourselves some noodles and Thai Iced Tea...if you havent had Thai Iced Tea..you HAVE TO. sooooo good.

oh and i FINALLY made a dvd of when i visited my family's old castle in Scotland and Agnew Monument. im pretty proud of my Scottish heritage..obviously. i even have a tie made out of my family's tartan (thats a clan's fabric pattern). lol. next time i go to the UK im getting a ful-fledged kilt outfit. and hopefully ill marry someone that'll let me wear it to the wedding.

anyway its time to cook up some 2 year old rice-a-roni. peace.

i hate it how i cant listen to my ipod when its charging from my laptop. curse you apple. i hope you get worms.

man im finally starting to feel the effects of the stevo rehab program. for those of you who dont know, ive been on a steady decline for the past 3 years in all areas of my life. to make what could be a VERY long story very short, here's a bread crumb trail of start to finish:

[shoving God aside] + [bordom] = [not caring about right and wrong] => [software piracy] => [guilt] => [letting other things slide one by one] => [focus on myself] + [being angry at God] => [not caring even more about morality] => [pissing off everyone around me and letting them down] => [no longer confident that God was with me anymore because of how i was living] => [not confident that God would protect me from going to prison for piracy] => [worry & lots of sadness] => [losing focus of what i should and what i shouldnt worry about] => [thinking too much & taking little things too hard] => [shutting people out because i didn't want to burdon them with my own problems] = [losing all zest for life. becoming a zombie.]

and there you have it. that's the last 3 years in a nuttshell. and its been hell on earth for me. thats why i ended up getting so into Lord of The Rings when i watched it agian a month ago. i love that movie to death now. i felt like Frodo. i was carrying such a huge burdon by myself, and a burdon that i created. and even though i had friends around me that wanted to help me, i didnt feel like i had a Samwise to encourage me a long, and drag me when i couldnt walk anymore. and that was because i didnt want my problems to rub off on anyone else. so i shut people out. i decided to deal with it alone and in my own way, because even though my friends were there, they had their own lives to deal with. and i feared that my problems would end up crushing the both of us.

but things are starting to change. ive slowly been making my way back to God. i started to pray every morning that he would change my heart, and my attitude. i didn't like who i had become, and where i was going. and i had to force myself to read things about God and Christianity again. i just lost interest a long the way. little by little. church was just uncomfortable to be in. and the more i read about it, the more i started to like it again, and my attitude started to change. its been a slow process and its still a fragile process. its going to take a long while to get back to where i was. but i need it. i tried to handle everything myself, and it just tore me up. you know, i remember before all of this happened i was always jealous of the people who became Christians later in life, because they knew what life was like without Jesus, so they appreciated him more because of it. they tasted the bitter before the sweet. i didnt have anything to compare Jesus to. and i think that's one of the underlying reasons why i rebelled the way i did. i always wanted a Christianity that felt close, that i felt like i could taste..not one that felt churchy and so far away. i wanted to crash and burn so that i could have that.

well, change of plans. i figured sleeping was overrated so i skipped the nap and headed to starbucks, jammin to the ipod.

a quick story. everyone knows how much it irritates me when mexicans don't know english. it just bugs me to death. so im at best buy and a mexican lady needs a translator cuz she doesnt speak english. so our translator pulls me aside to help with the sale. she asks him if i know spanish and we're like "no, i/he doesn't." then she has the nerve to get annoyed and say to him "how can he expect to help people if he doesn't know spanish?!??" oh hell no. i caught onto most of the words so i knew the jist of things. the whole time i was thinking "who's country are you in again?? who the hell are you to come here illegally and then demand that i learn your language?!??" i was pissed off. arrogant and pig-headed. i was fuming last night.

anyway, off my tirade and onto some good news. im getting a $500 bonus on my paycheck next week. for those of you who dont know, a month ago i switched to a new position and yesterday my supervisor and her boss pulled me into a conference room and told me that they're hearing that im like a spongue out there, soaking up everything they tell me, and that when i have a question its always a new one. so they gave me some kudos. which was pretty cool. because im used to getting stabbed in the back in my last position. cool stuff man. cool. man.